High School Soccer Coach

Materazzi finally confirmed that he provoked the head butt. This week Marco admitted to referencing Zinedine's sister.

United States fans will recall that Italy was actually on the delivery end of the World Cup's most violent act: the wicked De Rossi elbow that almost broke Brian McBride's face. (In this photo, just hours before US v Italy, James flashes hang ten to the amusement of young friend.)

These events had me recalling my earlier experience with Italian-style soccer.

Our high school soccer team was unfortunately a perpetual loser. We finished either 0-10 every year or close to it. One September we were told a new coach was coming in. What they didn't tell us was that he was a short, snuff-sniffing, perfumed Italian-American New Yorker who showed up for after-school games with a five o'clock shadow.

After the first contest, and our first lose, he told us to play more physically, by which he was careful to explain he meant play rough and don't get caught. Try to kick the shin or throw a knee into the lower back, he said. But his teachings had little effect on thirteen undersized boys and a girl who practiced on scratches of dirt in Central Park and played every game on the road. We carried on losing. Soon he got tired of this and surprised us with the decision to put himself in the next match. On game day he showed up in the locker room early and spent about an hour shaving his face, neck and truncated legs, while steadily inhaling tobacco powder through the nose. Our new "coach" was a kid recruited from the basketball team complete with overcoat and clipboard. As promised our real coach put himself in after halftime and proceeded to go to work on the other side. Soon the opposing coach and the referee were angry and getting suspicous when time ran out and we lost the game anyway.

For the final game he actually recruited our high school music teacher to impersonate him and this time played the entire match. I don't recall winning that game, it's possible that, like Italy, we overcame bad karma and tied one. The following year another new coach came in.